Yesterday was the vote on the school budgets. I nervously sat at my computer, hitting refresh on the local news site every few minutes. The outcome of the vote decided whether Mini was going to have full day K or half day K in the fall. It also decided the fate of Mini’s teachers, whom I love!

IT PASSED! HUZZAH!!

Mini gets to go to school from 9-3:30 in September. She gets to ride the bus and everything! She was so excited when I told her.

But wait. Am I ready for that? I thought I was. I’m not one of those ‘my baby needs to stop getting bigger’ mothers. I fully embrace the fact that we all get older.  “Such is life” is what my parents always told me..

CONFESSION TIME: SOMETIMES I DON’T COPE WELL WITH CHANGE.

I have been responsible for Mini’s every waking moment since she was born. It was me 24/7. Yes, her father was around but even he will tell you he hasn’t been much help when it all comes down to it. It was hard enough for me to get used to the 2.5 hours she was in PreK this year! I took comfort in the fact that I was picking her up and dropping her off. I never thought I would say this but the thought of passing her off to a bunch of virtual strangers for 7/7.5 hours a day gives me a panic attack. It really does.

I will be putting her on a bus in the morning and not seeing her again all day until she is dropped back off and that just haunts me. I can’t stop obsessing over it. On the one hand, I feel it’s normal for a stay-at-home to feel this way. My daughter is the reason I am home and not working. On the other hand, I feel like I’m a psychotic mess. Why should a normal, grab life by the horns and embrace the unknown be feeling like this? Why are my normal coping skills absolutely failing me right now?

My sort-of answer is this: I am a bit of a control freak. I have been working on it and am a LOT better than I used to be, but I feel like it is my control freak side rearing it’s ugly head again. While that’s quite possible, I doubt it is the complete problem. I’m confused by it all really.

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